ugh... i just dont know what to do anymore... i am so sick and tired of living with my dad. like nothing i do is ever good enough... i clean the whole house and he complains beucase my bed isnt made. i call and check in with him tell him im going to be an hour late, and i get yelled at when i get home. i am almost 18 fucking years old and i am treated as if i am 12. i honestly cant take it anymore. with all of his stupid rules and me doing everything... i dont know what to do. im young.. im 17, yes i should have responsabliaties, but not one of a house wife. and then when i am upset or dont want to talk... i get in more trouble beucase he doenst like how i dont communicate with him. it is so fucking stupid that i have to sit with a fucking smile on my face when im around home and be walking on egg shells every second of the day. im like so sick of it all. i dont know how to deal with it. i dont know how to react. i dont know if i want to stay in california only for the reason of my father. i dont know what to do. its like everyday i have to pretend that i like to be at home... granted my dad knows i hate being here, yet he doesnt try and make it so i want to be here. god... only if times were like when i was younger... when i wanted to be with my dad... when he was my hero. when he was gone for so long and seeing him for the first time and being so happy.... i miss that. now its like i am so happy when he is gone. what the fuck? i dont get what is going on.
actually i do know what is going on..... i dont have a father. its void. its gone. its nothing. depressing really. and it took me almost 18 years to see it.