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Sunday, November 12th, 2006
3:19 am - sometimes
sometimes i just dont know anymore.
i cant decide
what i want to do with my life
or what i want anymore

i was so sure on everything at one point
and then

i dont know.

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Monday, July 3rd, 2006
3:38 am - Baby Girl

in the coner?!?

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Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
6:48 pm - ...life
so many things have changed.... its almost crazy. it seems everyday something else isnt how i left it the day before. people have changed. why cant anything just stay the same? i want things to go back to the start... i miss people caring. i miss people wanting. and i miss people being real. nothing seems to stay the same. the one thing in my life that i thought would never change has, and im devistated by it. and i cant belive that it happened.

current mood: blah

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Monday, October 17th, 2005
2:38 pm - cha cha...
so life is interesting at the moment.
it isnt bad, but it isnt amazing.
i loooove living alone. its so cool, but at the same time i dont like being alone. im glad that i have people over all the time otherwise i dont know waht kinda of trouble id get mysefl into haha. but its a new experiance, and i cant wait to actually be on my own. hopefully ill live with my friends in hollywood and going to film school this time next year... god.. how amazing would that be?! or to be a casting director or at least working in a casting office.... anything in the entertainment business. i cannot WAIT.
its pouring outside... and i love it.
i wish i could sing. random?! i know
so my birthday is in like 2 weeks... 18. WOW. i cant belive it. i dont want to grow up, but i do. weeeeeeeeird.
speaking of weird... today has been weird. i was in clairmont and im drving home... and i decide to stop at noahs bagels... i see nicks car and im like AH awkward... so i get out of my car and get on the phone to call elize, and tyler pulls into the parking lot and im like AH weeeeird. so we ended up having bagels and coffee together... weeeird right!? i didnt run into nick, but it prolly would have been weird beucase he would have like ignored me, but STILLL. and i got a call from my work this morning to be there at freakin 1 to 10 and i was like hhahaha NO. so i have to go in at like 4ish. i dont want to go, but i need money so whateeeeevvvver. ugh. i love the new job, but im lazy lol. nothin new there, but i thikn that this job is a keeper... i dont think ill fuck this one up.. i hope.

current mood: random.

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Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
11:57 pm - so i totally got a job...
and its freakin awesome!!!
i get to work with alexis again!!!
woo hoo..
and i get to work with miss kylie rae=)
and im excited.

current mood: accomplished

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Monday, October 3rd, 2005
5:55 pm - ...life is looking up...
isnt it amazing how people can touch our lives with simple words and kind jestures and unconditional love?
im just discovering how to live again.. how to be myself... how to open my eyes to new oppourtunities, new goals, a new life.
there will always be good days and bad days, but always at the end of the day there is that one person who cares about you. the one person who knows you. that one person who is thinking about you.
i feel so alive.
i feel so beautiful.
i feel so new.
thank you.
thank you for caring, for helping me up when im down, for holding my hand, for growing with me, for being my friend, for inspiring me to get up every single day, for never giving up on me, for insrping me to be myself, for helping me get back up on my feet and for helping me find who i really am.

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
2:12 am - fuck you
if only you knew what you are doing to me,
youd hate yourself.
espically if you stand by what you have told me so many times.
espically if you really love me.
espically if you really cared.
your the reason i cry.
your the reason i dont eat.
your the reason i am going crazy.
your the reason i cant sleep.
your the reason i woke up.
your the reason i want to just stop.
not anyone else.
you might as well have ripped my heart out and stepped on it a thousand times...that would have been less painful

yeah im a bitch.
yeah im a drama queen, but i dont see how you cant see that its all beucase i love you more then i could have ever loved myself.

as much as i hate you for doing this to me, i only want you to be happy. and i want you to find that special someone and i want you to become what you have always wanted and as much as i want you in my life, i know that i cant stop you. you were the one person i could always count on, the one person that i knew would be there until the end, but nothing lasts forever. you knew every single secret, every little detail, everything in my life. just know that you will forever be in my heart. no matter what. as much as i want to say that i hate you i cant because i love you.
and you know that.
dont ever ever forget that.

current mood: sad

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Monday, September 26th, 2005
10:40 am - boohoo.
i think i broke my car! =(
it moans and laughs when i drive it.
sad sad day.
its in the shop.
just thought that everyone should know.

current mood: my poor car.

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Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
12:53 am - hah <3love
LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:mystic_Emma
Your haiku:my face no matter
waht.i just need to have a
myspace photo shoot
Created by Grahame

current mood: silly

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12:12 am - AHHHHHH!
i totally got hair extensions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you love them.
beucase i love them more than my life.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
oh yes.

current mood: ecstatic

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Sunday, September 11th, 2005
3:17 am - weeeird night
so next to the fact that i almost lost one of my best friends tonight due to stupid drama, and that nick is slowly starting to hate me and not want to be around me anymore... i saw one of my old friends brian, in a motorcylce accident. luckily, he was still concsious when everyone came to the scene and his vital signs were intact. he had a waaay broken jaw and was just messed up. i guess he had no front breaks, no headlights, and wasnt wearing a helmet. thankfully no car hit him... but just driving by and seeing him up on the side of a hill.. was just crazy. at first i didnt know that it was him and i was just going down to make sure that no one needed cpr or anything like that.. and then to my wonderment.. it was brian. i dont even know how to explain it. it was definately surreal. it was also weird becuase collin tiegs, johnny b, and like all these other guys i hadnt seen in 2 or 3 years, were there... great reunion right? i dont know its just weird how like we used to talk all the damn time and then like i see him like that. i dont know it was just really really really weird. from seeing that, it was like wow life is so so short and we have to apperciate every single person that we meet in life. wether they are in it for years, or for hours. every person we meet and talk to is for a reason, and to find that reason and know it and keep it to heart will only make you that much better of a person. and like just tonight.. i have learned so much... from talking to tyler to talking to nick to seeing brian and knowing that i could have known someone who could have died tonight. i guess when it rains it pours. ugh sometimes it sucks to care so so much about people... beucase it only hurts me in the long run. i just hope that everything will be ok with brian, with nick and i, with tyler and nick, and with every single fucking thing i have to worry about right now. wow. tonight...

current mood: not sure?

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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
1:46 pm - woo.
well now that things are somewhat back to normal i can breathe again.
i hate drama.
its a waste of life.
hahaha my faggot brother got in a fight at school and got suspended hahah.
i love it.
anyway.... yeah drama is fucking retarded and should stop.
the end.

current mood: relieved

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Monday, September 5th, 2005
2:10 pm - im so sutpid.
i fucked up.
i fucked up real bad.
emma= IDIOT

current mood: pissed.

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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
11:16 pm - dad issues.
ugh... i just dont know what to do anymore... i am so sick and tired of living with my dad. like nothing i do is ever good enough... i clean the whole house and he complains beucase my bed isnt made. i call and check in with him tell him im going to be an hour late, and i get yelled at when i get home. i am almost 18 fucking years old and i am treated as if i am 12. i honestly cant take it anymore. with all of his stupid rules and me doing everything... i dont know what to do. im young.. im 17, yes i should have responsabliaties, but not one of a house wife. and then when i am upset or dont want to talk... i get in more trouble beucase he doenst like how i dont communicate with him. it is so fucking stupid that i have to sit with a fucking smile on my face when im around home and be walking on egg shells every second of the day. im like so sick of it all. i dont know how to deal with it. i dont know how to react. i dont know if i want to stay in california only for the reason of my father. i dont know what to do. its like everyday i have to pretend that i like to be at home... granted my dad knows i hate being here, yet he doesnt try and make it so i want to be here. god... only if times were like when i was younger... when i wanted to be with my dad... when he was my hero. when he was gone for so long and seeing him for the first time and being so happy.... i miss that. now its like i am so happy when he is gone. what the fuck? i dont get what is going on.

actually i do know what is going on..... i dont have a father.
its void.
its gone.
its nothing.
depressing really.
and it took me almost 18 years to see it.

current mood: angry/sad

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Sunday, August 28th, 2005
8:42 pm - yaaay.
im going to disneyland tomorrow with my 2 favorite people EVER!!!
you should be so excited for me beucase i am so excited myself.
ticket prices are rediculous, but you know what? i dont care beucase i love disneyland!!!!
you know!!!
have fun at school bitches.

current mood: excited

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Friday, August 26th, 2005
7:16 pm
the end.

current mood: blah.

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Sunday, August 21st, 2005
5:02 pm - woo...
beside the fact that nick and tyler had to calm me WAY down at the airport before i left and that at the sight of the SMALLEST plane i have ever flown in... the flight was OK. i thought i was going to throw up a couple of times, but i made it.
so here i am... day 2 of Idaho...
as i expected its been way boring, but its been nice to just get away from everything.
i got to skate again yesturday... first time in almost 2 years... it was amazing.
i did so so much better then i had anticipated...
i was able to get my spins and i landed my axel... woo!!
it made me so so so happy. so i cant wait to get home and be able to skate again and start all over...
if im not too lazy. but yeah... my mom still desperately wants me to move up here, but i dont think mentally id be able to make such a change... i mean yeah it would be nice to not have to live with my dad but i dont think i could bring myself to 1. living with my mother. 2. living with out my friends. 3. living in IDAHO. and 4. living in idaho.
i mean its that simple. lol.
i just feel bad beucase she makes me feel like i have to. but i dont know. its way confusuing.

im kinda pissed at myself beucase i forgot my phone and iPod charger... what am i going to do?! and id say oh! i can go buy a new one, but the closest place that prolly has an iPod charger is about 3 hours away... at the clostest mall... WONDERFUL huh!?

tonight should be way fun... all the family and friends are coming over for a party and so i can see everyone. woop woop.
i tired to make creme brulle'. dont know how that will turn out.. but hey its worth a shot.
i cant wait to come home and see everyone, but i dont want to go home for the one fact that my father hates me and doesnt want me living in the house with him. hahah. be-a-utiful isnt it!? oh well..

let the festivities begin!

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Thursday, August 18th, 2005
11:32 pm - ugh.
so im leaving for idaho tomorrow after school.
kinda excited...
kinda not.
my dad is kicking me out of the house.
so hopefully i dont have to move up there.
that would compeltly devistate me to he fullest.
i dont even know why he is kicking me out.
its totally random.
totally uncalled for.
thank god for me friends... they are my sanity.
ill see you all in 3 days.

current mood: aggravated

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
7:48 pm - wow.
ok so yeah...
i found the best friends i could ever ever ask for.
nick and tyler.
we have only been hanging out for like a week, but we are so awesome together.
i know that is really like conceited. but its so true.
i havent been happy for so long and finally... i am.
they are the best things that have happened to me in a while.
its so weird tho...
tyler nick and i have so so so much in common and we literally just met.
its amazing.
i love it.

current mood: excited!

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Friday, May 6th, 2005
12:36 am - long long time
wow. it has been forever since i have written. i dont even know like what is going on in my life right now.
im going to be a lifeguard at hurricane harbor over the summer.
im going to have peoples lives in my hands.
i had an anxiety attack today.
i dont know why.
but i did.
scared me a little bit.
school is almost over.
thank you lord!
too too much is going on with the family situation.
my mom is out of town too much.
i never see my dad.
i have to live with my dad.
im so worried about not being able to make it to college.
im a mess pretty much.
if it werent for nick and elize id prolly go crazy.
well crazier.
im stressed.
but i shouldnt be.
oh well.
ok .
im done bitching.

current mood: stressed

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